whenever I listen to The Antlers - Kettering, it never ceases to make me want to cry

(it a good way though, because the song is so moving.)

if love is just a game, how come its no fun?

if love is just a game, how come i've never won?

I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong
and that's why every time I roll the dice
I always come undone."

Noah & the Whale - 2 atoms in a molecule

"I wish I had known in that minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you."

Kettering - The Antlers

Hospice - The Antlers

I have had this album for quite a while now, and I had listened to it before many times. Though today, I actually really listened to it whilst reading the CD sleeve, reading and listening to the lyrics as they are sung. And honestly, no other album has ever cut me so deep in affecting my personal state.

This album is so unbelievably haunting.

This album follows a story of the relationship between a hospice worker and a terminally ill patient, Sylvia. The patient is depressed and is haunted in her sleep, which leads her to be verbally and mentally abusive towards the hospice worker, however still the hospice worker either falls in love with or has an extreme love for the patient. The patient eventually dies, but not without leaving lasting emotional scars on the hospice worker.

As Peter Silberman puts it (interview from thefader.com): "A hospice can be representative of what emotional and psychological abuse can do. Let’s say as a hospice worker, you’re taking a lot of verbal abuse from someone who is dying, cause they’re, absolutely and rightfully so, bitter about what’s happening and feeling like it’s completely unfair, which it most obviously is. And you’re in the position of feeling like you have no right to complain about your situation because it’s so much worse for them. So you think the least I can do is give them a punching bag."

and continuing from another interview here: "...You don't have to right to argue with them either, because they're the one that's dying here; they're the one that's been dealt the wrong hand. So you take it, but you can only take so much. Eventually, you realise that this person is destroying you."

When I truly listened to it for the first time, I could feel myself being haunted by the story telling. I could truly imagine the situation, the setting and felt the mood of the whole piece sink into my own body. And when I say haunted, I do mean I for some reason was feeling scared not sure why, but the piece along with its story also reminded me of scary films set in creepy hospital with mentally ill patients. But I'm pretty sure that's just me.

But the emotion that comes through as this story of the hospice worker and patient is reflective of an emotionally abusive relationship.

"Basically, what I would say the album is about, I would say this for the sake of anyone who would listen to it, it’s about an experience I had in a very emotionally abusive relationship and the pulling myself out of that, and the effect that it had on my life at the time."

However, I have read many reviews that describe the light that seeps especially at the end through this dark piece. But at this point, I am still coming to terms with the depressing story and the sheer emotion of the whole piece.

This isn't my usual type of blog, it isn't as light hearted as it would normally be. But I am writing this under my current state, still feeling extremely overcome. As I said in the beginning, no other album has ever so severely affected my mental state.

And after saying all of that, it is an amazing album. Do go listen to it, if you haven't already. It may not affect you as it had affected me, but I guarantee you that if you truly sit and listen to it you will feel the emotion of it all. It's quite brilliant and chilling at the same time.

Jar of Hearts

A song I have been singing a lot lately:

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

And who do you think you are?
Running around leaving scars.

Collecting your jar of hearts;
Tearing love apart.

You're gonna catch a cold;
From the ice inside your soul.

So don't come back for me;
Don't come back at all."

♥♥

also, i do like the original much more than glee's version, it has much more emotion in the song.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKY :)

My favourite song right now, Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes.
Dedicated to the birthday boy :)
I love this song, it makes me want to cry when I hear it because it's so sweet & cute.
The clip isn't that great though, its just ok.

The rain it started tapping
on the window near my bed,
there was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it.
And to my surprise my eyes were wide
and already open,
just my nightstand and my dresser
where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left them,
out into the gray streets
but everything seemed different
and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings,
even my own body,
and each person I encountered,
I couldn't wait to meet.

And I came upon a doctor
who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "There's nothing that I can do for you, you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can, just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured.
No, in fact, I'm sure of it.
Thank you Stranger,
for your therapeutic smile."

So that is how I learned the lesson
that everyone's alone,
and your eyes must do some raining
if you're ever gonna grow.
But when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself,
it's best to compose a poem.
A honest verse of longing
or simple song of hope.

That's why I'm singing, baby don't worry,
cause now I got your back.
And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh.
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass
and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.

And we'll keep working on the problem
we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders,
our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame
like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then,
we'd stand staring in awe

At our still lives posed
like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told
by the fault lines and the soil.

ily jacky :)

super cute stop motion

this video is super cute

its a stop motion vid

for the song her morning elegance by oren lavie

love it ♥

avril moment

i'm having a bit of an avril moment

i'm just listening to her first two albums

it reminds me of when i used to listen to her in high school

and whilst listening

i remember that her first two albums were actually pretty good

(yes, i bought them)

then she turn crap

that is 'hey hey you you i don't like your boyfriend' crap

anyway,

i love this song: nobody's home

Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it every day
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

in other news,
i think she looks really good in her proactiv ad

summer, come already

i wish exams will be done with already
i'm so excited for the summer
mission & NTE will be awesome :)
plus roadtrip with meine lieblings
and then ASIA!
the only thing that would make it even more fantastically exciting
would be if i'm going to a summer music festival
which i'm not
because lineups are ok, but nothing i'm really excited about
plus i was mostly hedging my bets on laneway fest
i really do like the antlers and all
and some of the others
but not enough
plus noone wanted to come with me anyway.
i think i'd go if ladyhawke would be playing melb laneway
but apparently she's only playing NZ laneway.
sigh.
BUT aside from that i'm hoping the bands do side shows
so i can go to them instead.
can't wait :)

summer plansss #256

been listening to hot chip one life stand the whole day

love the album :)

i'm so glad i bought it last week

my favs are 'i feel better', 'thieves in the night' and 'one life stand'

also, i applied for a debit card finallyyyy

so i don't have to hassle my mum every time i want to buy concert tickets.

its more or less in anticipation for the summer and the summer music festivals

which i intend to go to :)

i'm so excited for the holidays.

also, i haven't really mentioned it here yet

but i finish my exams super early

on the 5th of nov

which is why i can sort of be excited already for the holidays

:)

i can't wait.

also, i've resolved that i probably can't be bothered/won't look for another job for the summer

(unless they'll hire me with my low availability)

and sell all my clothes online instead

because i have A LOT of stuff to get rid of.

i also need to sell my mum's fish tank with a stand and canopy

because all the fish keep dying

and she can't be bothered to buy new fish and feed them every day anymore

yes.

damnit, summer come already.

♥

help! i'm alive #255

"i tremble

they're gonna eat me alive.

if i stumble,

they're gonna eat me alive.

can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?

beating like a hammer?

help! i'm alive.

my heart keeps beating like a hammer."

i've been listening to this song on repeat

metric - help, i'm alive

i finally bought the album today

at highpoint

whilst i was there with emma

who was looking for a job.

though she seemed to be hardly looking since she only dropped two resumes

but anyway.

need to studyyyyyyyy

#249

i did quite a few things today

1. went to j&j's bible study. (j&j=jacky and john's) haha.

2. after that, i finally decided i probably should go to the doctor. i think because i'm pretty certain i need antibiotics, i finally went. also, i don't know if it was intentional, because if it was that's so dodgy. the pharmacy i went to didn't give me my repeats. i don't know if that was accidental, because if it wasn't that means i have to go back to that particular pharmacy to get my repeat if i need it. that's so dodgy.

3. ice cream. so whilst me and jacky were wandering the city, we decided we wanted icecream. & jacky had these vouchers for this new place on bourke st, passionflower. and so we were being naughty and decided to use the 2 for 1 voucher instead of the 50% off voucher. and got like a plate of strawberry chocolate pancakes and one of waffles with chocolate icecream. and the servings were HUGE. i felt like a pig. haha.

4. cd sale. so borders i think were trying to clear all their cds for some reason. it was all cds for $10 or 4 for $30. i was a bit annoyed i didn't have more money, because it meant i had to carefully select 4 only, because i could pretty much only use $30. sigh. i so could have spent more than that if i had more money. i bought mostly cds that i should already have and are completely my collection.

i bought:

-bat for lashes - fur & gold

-ladyhawke - ladyhawke

- jack johnson - brushfire fairy tales

- jack johnson - sleep through static

5. after that. at night i had leaders meeting for church and we spent quite a long time to figure out new names for the new service/group. ideas?

♥

BABYTARD! #246

so a few of you know I watch the SHAYTARDS vlogs every day pretty much

well, today shay announced something i thought was massively cool.

so some context, shay quite often throws his children in the air

and takes pictures of it

and there's this one pic taken a long time ago that caught the interest of James Blunt

and so, babytard is now on the cover of James Blunt's new album

how cool is that?

http://www.jamesblunt.com/

#244 sleepy head

"there's a drumming noise inside my head

it starts when you're around.

i swear that you should hear it,

it makes such an almighty sound."

i love this pic of florence
i love the red hair contrasting with the blue cape/dress
she's mega awesome.

didn't really do much today
i woke up feeling quite sick
with the worst sore throat.
and feeling really run down
so i went back to bed,
ended up waking up at 2pm.
haha, whoops.
then i was studying a bit til 6
and i ended up napping again til 7.
double whoops.

so i have pretty much slept for the whole day.

also, managed to finish a full length draft of my report yesterday night

its not very good

but much better than the first draft

and i still have a month to improve it

yes, its totally a big weight lifted off my shoulders

:)

p.s. finally updated my songs, pic & quote.

#227 detangle my tangles!

on friday, i did end up buying the freelance whales album

photo of them above

(i quite like the photo, its cute.)

i was pretty excited when i saw it on the shelf

i may have possibly have gone 'yesssssss!' aloud

when i was behind someone

the guy moved slightly.

he probably thought i was weird

or something.

:)

also, because my hair gets really knotty

really often

i also had to buy a johnsons kids strawberry sensation no more tangles spray

funny how there aren't any detangling sprays for adults.

but oh well,

i like smelling like strawberries.

♥

this whole week Don Carson will be speaking at Storey Hall (the green RMIT building, across from melbourne central)

so if you ever had ANY questions at all about christianity

please come :)

i'll be going all the nights

except thursday.

http://www.rmit.cu.org.au/2010/08/04/why-believe/

i'll just copy what it says on the CU website

Many people have questions about Christianity, life and faith and how it all fits together.

NOW…..during RMIT week 6…. there is a great opportunity to spend a night or 2….or 5, thinking through these issues.
Don Carson, an internationally renowned speaker, and author on all things Christian, is flying into Melbourne and is booked at RMIT’s very own Storey Hall for 5 nights of epic talks, slick music and decent dramatic performances.

Each night is different so come to one…..or come to all…AND bring your friends.

• Monday 23 August ~ How can we see God?
• Tuesday 24 August ~ How can we start over again?
• Wednesday25 August ~ How can God Have a Son?
• Thursday 26 August ~ How to get the best Bread in the World.
• Friday 27 August ~ How can I believe Jesus rose from the dead!

Whether you are just curious, or seriously sceptical, then this event is for you….AND ITS FREE!

23 – 27 August
Time: 7.00pm – 9.00 each night
Location: Storey Hall, 342 Swanston St, Melbourne

give me a buzz if any of you want to go ♥

#221 freelance whales

a band i'm loving right now: freelance whales

their new album is pretty awesome

actually i've downloaded most of the songs

but thats because their album isn't released yet in australia

i'll be sure to buy it soon

apparently it would be at jb hi-fi on friday

hopefully i can get it then.

:)

their songs are really cute and catchy

they kind of sound like postal service with the electro synth vocals

and the lead singer kind of sounds like ben gibbard

they also sound kind of like the morning benders.

but the freelance whales has a slightly more country or folk feel.

with the use of many different instruments

including the banjo and the glockenspiel.

generator ^ first floor was the song that got me into them

its such a cute song :)

we get up early just to start cranking the generator
our limbs have been asleep, we need to get the blood back in them
we're finding every day, several ways that we can be friends.

we keep on churning and the lights inside the house turn on,
and in our native language we are chanting ancient songs,
then when we quiet down,

the house chants on without us."

♥

#220 strings unite

funeral music
Originally uploaded by Valerie Pensworth

twas quite fun doing music today
with me & emma on violin
& steph on the cello
i think we sounded pretty good.
:)

in other music news,
i should start playing the guitar again
because i don't feel like i'm really progressing
sigh.

♥

"sorrow drips into your heart;
through a pinhole.
just like a faucet that leaks;
and there is comfort in the sound.
but while you debate half empty;
or half full.
it slowly lyses;
your love is gonna drown."

#216

currently sitting in melb central
by myself
waiting for either jacky or emma to be finished and to join me

just met up with heather before
and we discussed the book of daniel (in the bible)
was pretty interesting
because she points out a whole bunch of things that I had never noticed
(I'll write about it in my other blog)

but since i'm so bored
I'll share what I'm listening to at this current point in time
I've put the iPod on shuffle you see

(also, sorry for the random capital letters. I usually don't do capitals but I'm typing on jacky's iPod which I have taken captive, and the iPod likes to correct my words for me)


right now it's: sweet disposition by the temper trap
I love this song
definitely the best song in the whole album

now it's a remix version of heads will roll by the yeah yeah yeahs
it's totally a club mix
as in you can totally dance to it
it's a pretty good remix
but I think I prefer the original one better
guess it depends on my mood

now it's: genius next door by regina spektor
i'm not sure why I like this song so much
but I think it's my favourite song in this album, far
I think I find the piano really haunting
and deep
even though the song is about a lake which overnight became as thick as porridge
but people would still swim in it
pretty much that's what it's about.

now: a&e by goldfrapp
I love this song but I totally do not understand what it's about

now: undisclosed desires by muse
I've talked about the song before
cos I love it
me and Emma were saying once how when he sings the chorus
he sounds so hot ;)
and also when I sing it I tend to get confused
which one is: reconcile, recognise, exercise & satisfy
I tend to get them wrong

now: more Regina spektor
blue lips.
"blue lips, blue veins. blue. the colour of our planet from far far way."
I also don't really understand the meaning of this song.

(seriously, I think I'm just going to do this until someone joins me. because I can't be bothered doing anything)

now: the end has no end
my favourite strokes song :)

ok, jacky's here now.
Ok bye :)

#213

"i fly like paper

get high like planes"

--------------------

i'm a bit boring lately.

nothing to blog about.

boo!